sleepier than I should be at this time of day.

For some reason, it feels as if I should have changed more.

Nevertheless, I can't help but feel that things are fine the way they are.


---

I know how I could do all this, but I don't want to do that.

This is stupid. Why am I doing this?

"You are wasted potential" is a rather awkward thing to feel.

The truth often makes things more awkward than they really have to be.


---

For whatever reason, I can't wait for it to snow again, even though I dislike the cold. It's more for the aesthetics than anything else, I think.

I guess it isn't that bad, though. Changes are okay.


---

"I wish I could take initiative more often" is a self-defeating statement.

This is not a good thing.


---

No one was home all day. When my dad briefly stopped by to drop off dinner, I was told to dispatch all intruders without mercy. With lethal force. In order to defend my home.

I am prepared. The baseball bat is under my bed.

Nothing has happened.

(Secret wish: a crowbar. A big one.)

(Other secret wish: to hit something with it.)


---

I dreamed I punched someone in the face. It was very vindicating.

I've never seriously punched anyone in the face before. I guess it's a good thing if I never have to.

I kind of do want to try, though.

Maybe not. Being punched in the face hurts, after all.

I just want the sensation of punching someone in the face, but without hurting them.

That's not really possible. I guess this whole tangent is pretty pointless.


---

I could have gone outside. Why didn't I?


---

I tried baseball the other day. It is not a talent of mine.

Oh well.


---

Whenever I'm bored, I get this urge to vomit my feelings all over the Internet like so much half-digested food.

The reception will be similar, as the whole gesture is both unwanted and really disgusting.

So I don't.

That is why this is pointless.



---

This house is really quiet without anyone in it.

Not to the point where it is eerie; after all, the soft hum of electronics keeps me company when I feel alone.

Is that strange?

I didn't mean it.


---

The thing is, it's probably not as terrible as I make it out to be.


---

"It can't be that bad. You're one of the lucky ones, after all."

Smile more. It looks better on you.

---

I haven't screamed in quite a while.

---

If I had something to say, I'd probably use paragraphs.

I really need to get better at this whole feelings thing.

Because self-awareness leads to self-mocking, and then you don't feel like sharing anymore.

And sharing is caring!

OH NOEZ.

=> I'm pretending not to care.

---

In other news, I'm moving (just to a different house) in a few months. Summer's been okay so far.

:"D

Caught a cold. Getting better now.

Became old. Still no love life. Forever alone. :(

Am now able to buy stripper heels if I have the money. Hooray for the Internet. They're really expensive and require international shipping.

Still, stripper heels in size 2. Who wouldn't want a pair?

Contracted computer virus. Fixed the whole thing by myself. Felt accomplished.

I want to learn how to sew. It seems useful.

Wait, what?

Handy in the real world manipulation of objects and events, you are easily enthused by practical projects. You often ignore or conveniently forget rules and boundaries that limit your freedom. This need for freedom extends even to the personal sphere and though you are kind and gentle, you will often be hard to pin down to a monogamous lifestyle. Because you tend to verbalize so seldom, you can be seen as phlegmatic or impassive. In moments of high tension you can often surprise those around you with a lighthearted or humorous remark. Because of your facility with the physical world, you are often engaged in sports that require dexterity, such as motorcycling or hang gliding. You will rarely have time for flights of fancy or unproductive discussion. Constraints on your freedom will be regarded as a personal attack.

From the shape test. Does this describe me? ... does it?

Quiet and very self-assured, you tend to keep your own council. Pragmatic and practical to a fault, you are not one to worry about the finer points of philosophical discourse. In fact, because you are very much an individualist, you often finds yourself at odds with the established truth or the wishes of the majority. You will often earn the wrath of an employer by taking upon yourself decisions which are rightly those of your manager. You are not one to take credit unless it is deserved. Similarly however, you will also not happily give credit where it is not due. In a romantic relationship you can be very frustrating. While you do care deeply and sincerely, and are willing to work at a relationship, your confidence in your own abilities can on occasion make it difficult to see the world from a partner’s point of view. Quiet and stoic at times, you can drive a more emotional individual completely up the wall. You can become overstressed and fatigued without knowing it. Taking time to rest between bouts of hard work can help to prevent a breakdown later on.

Second time. I think this is more like it?

Thoughtful to the extreme, you are often obsessed with perfection and the rules governing your own personal interests. Your world is black and white. You love to work within a logical system, such as language, computer programming, or mathematics. Manipulating a system that can be completely understood is a distinct pleasure to you, because of your confidence in the underlying veracity of your belief system. Because of your appreciation for logic and order, those who speak or think in a sloppy manner are apt to generate more than their share of wrath. Although very amiable, you are not drawn to friendships out of a sense of personal need. You are just as happy by yourself with a good book or puzzle. Because you are so involved with thought, you will on occasion have difficulty dealing with the day-to-day problems of a normal life. Taking out the trash, doing the dishes, these are often left until the last possible moment, if at all.

Third time. This too!

It doesn't really work for me...

Oh, and a more Van-like post, to make up for lost time:

By being alive, having death at the end of the line, and constantly moving forwards in tame, aren't we all dying our whole lives?

Isn't that nice?

They say "live like you're dying"; that statement is redundant.

---

If someone says "forever isn't enough," just leave.

After all, they won't be happy either way.
---

My understanding of quantum immortality is most likely completely wrong, but I like it anyways. It's fun, and completely negates "live like you're dying."

So, no matter what, it's a bit of a stupid thing to say.

aaaaaaahhhhhhh

You know that feeling when you're not actually hungry, but you really, really want to eat?

Yeah.

Looking at recipes and pictures of food doesn't help.

Looking at the calorie counts makes me want to eat them more. :|

christmas on the internet.

>spend Christmas on /r9k/
>don't even post, just lurk
>can't even bring self to post on most beta board on the Internet
>aloneforever.jpg
>;_;

On the bright side, the new USB is shaped like a penguin!

Other bright sides: turkey.

Merry Christmas/happy holidays/season's greetings/etc, everyone!

so.

There really hasn't been anything to blog about recently. Maybe I'll have some kind of revelation soon.

Could someone tell me who knows about our blogs (except us)? :o You've made me curious now.

Formspring is interesting. Anyone else have it?

---

According to one online body fat calculator, I'm 31% fat. According to another one, I'm 11.3% fat. According to yet another one, I'm either 14% or 18.5% fat. If I average these all out, it's about 18.5%... so I guess I'm average-ish?

Yeah. :|

Still trying to find out where that 31% came from.

o-o;

You know how your brain comes up with the weirdest crap when you're in the shower?

Yeah.

(sung atonally, in 6/8 time)

---

oh ocean god, i pray to thee
from endless life, please set me free -
i give myself to the empty sea
that my ghost shall ever wander.

the ceaseless tides shall ebb and flow,
i give myself, for this i know;
for the ocean depths of indigo
my heart grows ever fonder.

so from endless nights and endless days,
i ask of you: take me away -
and in the deep my corpse will stay
as my ghost goes ever yonder.

---

those mattresses explode, you know.

And you can hide bodies in them -

I now have a formspring.

username is vanshaped

I should have made some kind of a mattress pun.

Postan (stolen from Rachel's Facebook).

If you are a guy: post this as my kind of girl. If you are a girl: post it as my kind of boy.

Reformatted for less space cannibalism.

---

1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
that would be nice.
^ said Rachel, and I agree.
... but not prettier than me? ._.; If we're really going for ideals here.

2. Smart ? Average grade or above?
err, smart?
^ above and would like to add "not dumb please"
... ideally, smarter than me. :D

3. Preferred age?
Preferably older, but same age might do depending on level of maturity
^ agreed
^ And agreed again~ (and corrected for spelling)

4. Preferred Height?
taller than me. :D
^That's not exactly asking for much for me.

5. Sense of humor?
as long as it's not stupid. :D
^MORE AGREEMENT.

6. How about piercings?
Actually, I am completely neutral towards ear piercings.
Other ones are kind of iffy. :o

7. Accepts you for who you are?
It's always nice to have a challenge.

8. Pink hair?
LOL xDDD
rather not, thanks
^I concede your point.

9. Mushy or no?
White knight complexes are kind of cute... but not too much, I guess?

10. Thin or fat?
Average
^ agreed
^ ditto
^ ... preferably more muscular than me? It isn't hard.

11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
i'll be honest here and say white or asian. |D (jen, in regards to my height: "good luck finding an asian boyfriend, rachel.")
^ ... agreed. ._.;

12. Long hair or short hair?
Neck-long or shorter
^ YESH
^ :D
^ :DD ... in some cases, anything is fine.

13. Plastic or metal?
Either or both.

14. Smell good?
uh, sure? :D
^ What she said.

15. Smoker?
If they're old enough... actually, I wouldn't mind that much.

16. Drinker?
maybe a little? as long as he doesn't make me.
^ See above, with editing and all.

17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
Why not.

18. Muscular?
Lean.xD
^ yup ^-^
^ yeah. xD
^ Something like that. Again, more so than me is not very difficult to attain.

19. Plays piano?
That would be nice
^ yup :D (although i'll probably feel bad with my severe lack of piano skillages :c)
^ What Rachel said. :o Also, piano=SKILLED fingers. ;D

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
that's hot. :D /brick'd
^ That, except I can't really say that because my brother plays. :|

21. Plays violin?
violin is pretty. :D
^ violin=SKILLED fingers. :3

22. Sings very good?
YESPLEASE. (also: sings very WELL, idiots. c:)
^ What she said, except not as much so.

23. Vain?
... it's kind of cute, to an extent...?

24. With glasses?
i don't care?
^ SEE ABOVE.

25. With braces?
... sure, why not.

26. Shy type?
maybe not. :P
^ Our entire relationship would just be one really long moment of silence if it was like that... why not?

27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
Anywhere on the scale. Rebels are fun, white knights are fun, normal people are fun, sociopaths are fun. :D

28. Active or passive?
If he's not active nothing will ever happen because I am a horrible person. :| ... at least neutral?

29. Tight or bomb?
Surprise me.

30. Singer or dancer
both? but more the former. :D
^ Agreed, they are both sexy.

31. Stunner?
Would be nice. xP
^ sure why not? ^-^
^ :D
^ In a way that doesn't make me look hideous in comparison, yes please. :D

32. Hip-hop?
Why not?
^ agreed
^ :D
^ FOURTHED.

33. Earrings?
Sure, why not.

34. Likes to eat?
Meh, doesn't really matter. Don't want him to be anorexic though.
^ DANA ARE YOU READING MY MIND OR WHAT
^ Rachel is psychic too. ... eats more than me?

35. Dimples?
doesn't matter?
^ Sure, why not.

36. Bookworm?
sure why not? :D
^ Seconded.

37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
... as long as I don't laugh, it'll be fine.
On second thought, I'd probably laugh.

38. Playful?
Would be nice ^-^
^ yup.
^ This movement has been thirded.

39. Flirt?
Go right ahead.

40. Poem writer?
For a joke ... or if its cute. Not too much though :s
^ i swear, dana is me.
^ Clearly we are all one person.

41. Serious?
If they're old enough, yes.
... otherwise, it's just kind of adorably pathetic and then I'd feel bad...

42. Campus crush?
???
... Why not.

43. Painter?
uh, sure? music > art though. c: (SORRY YOU ART PEOPLE.)
^ Rachel stole my braiinnnnn.

44. Religious?
doesn't matter? preferably not though D:
^ Again.

45. Someone who likes to tease?
Sure, thats always nice
^ unless it's with other people. :o
^ D'accord.

46. Computer games geek?
i'm not really in a position to say anything. xD
^ that's what she said.

47. Speaks 20 languages?
Umm well if he speaks them well, sure. If not, stick to 1/2/3.
^ agreed
^ yes.
^ Fourthed.

48. Loyal or faithful?
synonyms...?
^ Connotation. Loyal; I prefer allegiance.

49. Good kisser?
Good enough to teach me. ._.;

50. Loves children?
sure :D (just don't ask for like... ten of them. that sounds painful.)
^ What Rachel said.

51. Flaws/freckles/moles?
Umm ... so long as they're not too bad ....
^ this? xD
^ This.

---

THE END.
In conclusion, it really depends on the individual. I can be INCREDIBLY EASY (tee hee) or incredibly picky. :D

this is so terrible.

SO TERRIBLE.

what do.

It seems that the more I want to succeed at something, the worse I am at it.

French mark is still dropping. Perhaps I was on hallucinogenic drugs while writing that test and was so traumatized by the experience I forgot about it.

Also worried about English mark. Apparently, over 50% of the class was in the 60-70 range. This does not bode well.

ARCT is still hard, not that it's not supposed to be.

Does anyone know where to get a volunteer job that is not at a summer camp? You would not entrust me with your children (or to them).

---

No news is okay news.

How are you?

Postan.

Have you ever...

1. taken a picture naked?
... no.

2. painted your room?
Not my own, but I helped paint the movie room~

3. made out with a member of the same sex?
Ditto Rachel. :c

4. drove a car?
No.

5. danced in front of your mirror?
... no.

6. have a crush?
I don't know, someone tell me. D:

7. been dumped?
Nope.

8. stole money from a friend?
I mooched a penny off Andrea once.

9. gotten in the car with people you didnt know?
STRANGER DANGER. Actually, yes, but my parents knew them.

10. been in a fist fight?
Probably... with my brothers... a long time ago.

11. had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?
I don't think so, but feel free to contradict me.

12. had feelings for a friend?
... I don't think so, but don't quote me on this.

14. made out with a stranger?
Not that I can remember. 8D

15. met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?
Not in a romantic sense.

16. left your house with out telling your parents?
To go to the park that is visible from the kitchen, yes. :c

17. had a crush on your neighbor?
I have no idea who they are.

18. ditched school to do something more fun?
Yes, but it's always been PARENTALLY APPROVED.

19. slept (not had sex) in a bed with a member of the same sex?
Yup.

20. seen someone die?
I... don't think so? Not in reality.

21. been on a plane?
Lots of times.

22. kissed a picture?
I think I tried once. It was flat and uneventful.

23. slept in until 3?
Only when jetlagged.

24. miss someone right now?
Yes. ._.

25. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
Yes. It makes me sleepy.

26. made a snow angel? yes- I’m from Canada
Yes. Lying in snow while dressed in snow gear also makes me sleepy.

27. played dress up?
Lots of times. Once, I fell asleep in my closet while doing this.

28. cheated while playing a game?
:D

29. been lonely?
I guess so.

30. fallen asleep at work/school?
It's not hard.

31. been to a bar?
No... unless the thing in the basement counts?

32. felt an earthquake?
I thought I'd kicked the desk. :o

33. touched a snake?
At someone's birthday party! I don't remember them, but the snake was beige and slightly darker beige, and it was long and smooth. Also surprisingly dry.

34. ran a red light?
I am unable to drive.

35. been suspended from school?
Nope.

36. had detention?
Actually, I don't think so, save for entire class detentions.

37. been in a car accident that you didn't cause?
The axle of the wheel of my mom's car broke off while we were driving. Luckily, we were on a nearly-abandoned suburban road, so we just got out and waited for CAA...

38. hated the way you look?
Pretty much everyyyday. :c

39. witnessed a crime?
They were pirates, arrr.

39. been the person doing the crime?
I was a pirate, arrrr. Also I have committed assault.

40. pole danced?
Never. Maybe I should try.

41. been lost?
All the time.

42. been to the opposite side of the country?
... no. :(

43. felt so sick you thought you might die?
There was one time where apparently I could have, but I don't remember anything except needles and reading a book while in one of those hospital bed things with the plastic tents. I was maybe three...?

The sheets were colourful, and the book was hardcover; it was a pine green and a eigish-yellow.

44. cried yourself to sleep?
Yes.

46. sang karaoke?
We should really get together and do this again.

47. done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
All the time.

48. laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
Once or twice...

49. caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Mhm.

50. kissed in the rain?
No.

51. sang in the shower?
I used to, and then I realized that everyone else could hear me through the ventilation system.

52. had sex in a park?
Having never had sex, no.

53. had a dream where you were married?
... actually, no.

54. glued your hand to something?
MY OTHER HAND. 8D

55. got your tongue/”arm” stuck to a flag pole?
No, never.

56. ever gone to school partially naked?
... I wore a tank top?

57. been a cheerleader?
No, never.

58. sat on a roof top?
I want to tryyyy. D:

59. didn’t take a shower for a week?
... not that I remember.

60. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?
Watching movies by oneself is lonely.

61. played chicken?
Not on the road.

62. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
Nope.

64. broken a bone?
Never.

65. been easily amused?
All the time.

66. laughed so hard you cried?
Actually, no.

67. mooned/flashed someone?
My brothers, for the lulz.

68. cheated on a test?
Yes. 8D
I remember one time I wrote down cheat notes and then it turned out that I had memorized the answer anyways...

69: forgotten someones name?
It takes me years to learn people's names. D:

70. slept naked?
It's kind of awkward, I wouldn't recommend it.

71. gone skinny dipping?
Nope.

73. blacked out from drinking?
Nope.

74. played a prank on someone?
In fourth grade, I switched the shoes of two guys (they were best friends) that I was not very fond of at the time. They had a huge argument and disliked each other thereafter. I was never suspected, much less caught.

75. gone to a late night movie?
Yup.

76. made love to anything not human?
Van licks the popsicle suggestively.
What do?

77. failed a class?
Nope.

78. choked on something you’re not supposed to eat?
Yes. I ended up swallowing a small metal ball. Nobody was any the wiser for it.

79. played an instrument for more than 10 hours in total?
At once? No. In increments, piano and flute.

80. been cheated on?
... has never been in a relationship. :c

81. did you celebrate the 4th of July?
Nope.

82. thrown strange objects?
Yes.

83. felt like killing someone?
It's too troublesome to kill someone.

84. felt like running away?
From where?

86. did drugs?
Recreationally, no.

87. had detention and not attend it?
Nope.

89. made a parent cry?
... I don't think I've ever seen either of my parents cry.

90. cried about someone?
Yes.

91. had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour period?
... no?

92. dated someone you didn’t even like?
... never dated. :c

93. had/have a dog?
Nope.

95. own an instrument?
The piano is technically my mom's.

96. been in band?
Used to.

97. drank 25 sodas in a day?
WHY WOULD I DO THAT.

98. broken a CD?
Yes. Also a DVD.

99. shot a gun?
Maybe I'll try that sometime...

100. had feelings for one of your best friends?
... I don't know, feel free to answer for me.

---

The tests were bad.

for terrible people.

This is bad and you should feel bad.

---

In fact, it's terrible.

---

What a waste.

Disregard it.

---

In other news, my math average dropped six percent with one test. I was almost impressed.

My French average is also sad. It is even sadder than my math average because it is a c-c-c-combo breaker.

However, what I truly regret to inform you is:
I have failed Lunch. :c

Someone tutor me? It's really hard, I don't get it at all...

---

Really, there's nothing to talk about. I'm posting because I want to get that other thing off the top of my blog.

ARCT is hard. Sonata Pathetique is going to give me carpal tunnel syndrome. Also, the books are ridiculously expensive and I have to buy everything separately.

Nylons are hard to put on and easy to make holes in.

Time is easy to lose but hard to find, much like...

... the gummy bear vitamins that were dropped and ran away. :c I hope they find a better life... under the table... or wherever they are now.

Godspeed, gummy bears. I wish you all the best.

The reason I think I'm invincible is because, statistically, I am.

What it said up there.

Sometimes you can replace "invincible" with "invisible" and it works quite well (against you).

Fill in the blank.

\__/ Bucket list: 0% complete.

Except I kind of splattered beef stew when microwaving it that one time, so maybe it counts as blowing something up...?

If I wrote a lifetime bucket list, it would have "commit arson" on it, maybe.

LIFETIME BUCKET LIST SO FAR (IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE):
1. Commit arson.
2. Be over 5 feet tall.
3. Eat a whole box of tissues in one sitting. Never mind, I don't actually want to do this.
4. Realize that someone I know is actually a sociopath.
5. Run with scissors (again).

Bucket list.

Aren't these things usually to be done before you 'kick the bucket' - that is, die?

I think that's the origin of the term, anyways...

---

1. Host a party. :c
2. Go outside. By myself. Without prompting. For over an hour. No, seriously, I don't think I've ever done this before. brb being overwhelmed by own lameness
3. Host... a sleepover...? Or attend one...?
4. Make more friends. :c
5. Come to a revelation without being overwhelmed by own lameness
6. Go somewhere using public transit! By myself! Or walk somewhere by myself. The possibility that I will get yelled at for trying this is very real. This is why I have not done this before, except for that one time I walked home from school by myself and it was so awesome but nobody really cared. brb being overwhelmed by own lameness
7. Finish reading those philosophy books.
8. Go outside on a sunny day using an umbrella.
9. Wear contacts a lot.
10. Get a boyfriend. ... this probably won't happen. :c
11. GROW A FEW INCHES. VERTICALLY THIS TIME, DAMMIT. IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK.
12. Grow a shoe size or two! Would make life much more convenient. And would enable me to look several inches taller.
13. Get highlights again!
14. Learn to curl hair in a way that does not look retarded.
15. Clean room. Dump old stuff for once.
16. Wear over-the-knee socks/thigh-highs more often. 8D
17. Get one of you guys to play Mabinogi with meeee. And/or make actual friends on Mabinogi. :c I can't even make friends online what is this brb being overwhelmed by own lameness
18. BLOW SOMETHING UP.
19. go... swimming? DOES ANYONE WANT TO GO SWIMMING. LET'S GO SWIMMING, PEOPLE.

In conclusion, anyone want to go swimming?

I'm not really looking forward to school. Also, they screwed up my timetable. >:|

However, I am looking forward to the public transit adventure...!

SWIMMING. WANNA GO. ANYONE.

I was going to say some things, but instead, have some funny stories.

My mother is now experiencing the feeling of 'my mom friended me on Facebook, WHAT DO.'

Yes, my grandmother just got Facebook.

She is interested in "whatever she can get."

---

Someone carded my dad at some store (again). He (the clerk) was genuinely confused. I don't understand how; my dad had shaved that day, but, seriously, the guy's balding and has grey hair. He's also forty-three. It is not hard to tell.

---

In the same vein, a window installation guy mistook my dad for my brother. A classmate has also mistaken my grandmother for my mom. (No, not the one that has Facebook. That one looks appropriately grandmother-like.)

---

Does anyone know any good place to get steady volunteer hours? Like... a volunteer 'job'.

---

Anyone like MMORPGs? COME PLAY MABINOGI WITH MEEEEEE IT IS AN AWESOME GAME. 8D If you want I will be lame and post screenshots.

---

Rachel's cruise ship sounded fun. :o I want to go on a cruiseeeee.

Oh, is anyone good with alphametrics? Like...

       THERE

       THERE

      STRIKE

+     THREE

   MATCHES

 

  SEVEN

  THREE

     ONE

      NIL

+    NIL

ELEVEN

    PLEASE

         USE

         ALL

+  LOWER

    SPEEDS

      SUSIES

      SISTER

       SISSIE

          SKIS

             IN

+    SUSIES

     BIKINIS

Each letter represents a different digit. Same letter equals same digit. If anyone can solve one before I do, I'll buy them a free bubble tea on our epic public transit adventure!

No, I'm not covertly trying to get anyone to do my SMS homework for me because I'm too lazy/stupid to do it myself. What are you talking about?

School tomorrow. D: SUMMER WHERE DID YOU GO.

Also I passed my piano exam with an 82. I now feel guilty, as this was the score I achieved after two years, while other people, after practicing for only a year, were able to achieve high nineties.

I'm so bored.

... and there's nothing I want to do.

How do I get out more?